How Men Approach Women in the 21st Century
Dating often begins with the man approaching the lady to express his feelings. Customarily, it is the males that always come to the females first; this is one of the oldest practices of humankind and it is also the case even in the animal kingdom.
There were traditional ways men often used in approaching women and those ways/methods were the norms for centuries. But as time went by, there were twists and changes which began to diminish the conventional system and led to new methods of approaching ladies in the modern (21st-century) age.
The Traditional Approach
This approach involves the man walking up to the woman in person, complimenting her looks, and initiating a conversation.
The woman may welcome the man's gesture or turn him down. However, in the old days, a 'no' from the woman did not really mean 'no', and men could interpret the woman's lack of interest as playing 'hard to get.' Well, it is either she is playing 'hard to get' or perhaps genuinely uninterested.
The picture-perfectness of the traditional approach can be seen in movies like The Note Book. But beneath the simplicity of that approach was a subtle abuse. With the traditional system of wooing, women felt violated, and they experienced endless catcalls.
Some men made the traditional approach seem like a hunting game, and the women became their prize. Countless cases of abuse were reported. It got so bad that some men were touching the women inappropriately without consent while these women were expected to be comfortable with their violators.
The Evolution
As the situation worsened, women started to speak up and fight for their rights. Over time, women became activists, and the fight for gender equality started. These activists were feminists and they encouraged others to stand up for themselves. This marked the start of the decline in the traditional system/approach.
The feminist fight was not against men approaching women, but rather about women being treated right. Women fought for fair treatment and justice for themselves. This agitation came in four waves. The first wave was in the 1920s, and the second was in the 1960s. The third wave began in the 1990s. This third wave began to take a quite severe twist as women became a bit more aggressive towards their goals. And the fourth wave happened in the 21st century; in 2011-2012. That was the game changer. It can be directly linked to the decline of the traditional approach.
The Start of The 21st-Century Approach - Why Men Don't Approach Women in Public Anymore
By the beginning of the 21st century, men felt uncomfortable approaching women in public; contrary to what was the case in the traditional system. So, this era is a turning point.
Some of the causes why men don't really approach women in public include:
1. They Try to Avoid Misinformed Feminists
I support gender equality, and the feminist ideology is fundamentally geared towards justice and equality of the sexes. But as time passed, especially in the fourth wave, feminism became a campaign of misinformation and anger mixed with some partial truths.
For some women, heartbreak became their reason for joining the movement. Some feminists changed the gender equality cause into the woman is always right movement. They want total social power, which is not wrong, but from a place of toxicity. I have heard some modern feminists make it clear that a man should never talk to a woman as that amounts to unwanted attention.
Although not every female or feminist agrees with this, it has made men cautious about approaching the ladies. The men sometimes get the I do not want to be spoken to body language, so they back off. It is not a bad thing to want to be alone.
And if a gentleman offers to open the door for a lady, it could be tagged 'benevolent sexism' and land him in trouble. Sometimes it feels like a competition of the sexes. Since it gets more confusing by the day, the modern man has preferred not to approach the woman than risk a bad experience.
2. Men Hate Rejection
Everyone hates rejection, and it is one of our fears as humans. Generally, men are built with pride, masculinity, and ego; which makes rejection feel more humiliating. Also, some men are insecure and childish. They cannot handle rejection.
Unlike women, men have little social or group support to deal with rejection. So they are left to snap out of their feelings and move on.
3. Some Women are rude to Them
For the average 'nice' man who only wanted a conversation, rudeness from a woman may confuse him and discourage him from approaching more females.
But before you assume that a girl is unnecessarily aggressive, let me walk you through the possible reasons behind the behavior of the female folks.
Why Some Women Are Rude to Men When Approached Publicly
In 2018, Lily Evans shared a story that most women can relate to. She said she was walking her dog in public, then a man walked up to her and offered her dog treats. He asked for her dog's name, and she asked for his too.
It started as a friendly conversation, even though she hated small talk. But she just had to go along with the flow. Then, he talked about the weather and asked if she lived in the area. The question made her apprehensive, and she said she needed to give her dog her medication and quickly walked away.
About 200 yards away, she paused to let her dog sniff some stuff and text a friend. "Hey, I thought you were going home?"He told her. Apparently, he had been following her! She smiled and said she was texting a friend back but was on her way home; that was more of an excessive explanation that she didn't have to give to a stranger.
He asked her where she lived, and this made her uncomfortable. He said he had seen her around often, which made her more irritated because she had never seen him, but it was apparent he had been watching her.
He asked her if she lived with her family, and she said no. But she quickly added that she lived with a former military male roommate. As she opted to leave, he grabbed her for a tight hug, and she left. She said she could not go home immediately as she was scared she might be followed.
Her story is typical of several women. It could be a different location or scenario, but it usually involves a stranger acting all creepy around them. So, the next time a girl is 'unnecessarily annoyed,' think of this story. She could be reacting to a past trauma.
4. Men Are More Skeptical about Asking For Phone Numbers in Public
One of the main reasons why a man would approach a lady in public is in the hopes of getting positive feedback and getting to know her more. And in some cases, the women exchange numbers with them.
However, after the exchange of contacts, nothing seems to happen. Their numbers would either end in voice mail or get blocked. So these men began getting disinterested in getting women's numbers; knowing that it most probably won't yield a fruitful relationship.
The 21st-Century Approach
The development of social media and online dating solved the limitations of the traditional approach. Men and women are leveraging social media to find love, and men are more comfortable with it.
The man is free to be himself on social media platforms. More so, he can even be wooed by females. He can converse with a lady and decide on his next course of action without the issues/problems associated with the traditional approach.
Moreover, he does not need to deal with the insecurities that come with the male stereotype. Society has told the man he has to be 6 feet tall, have broad shoulders, and speak in a certain way to be found attractive by the females.
But online, he can speak with his person of interest without exaggerating himself. If he is rejected, it is easier to deal with; after all, they are, technically, two strangers who have never met.
Some Women Prefer Being Approached in Public
Notwithstanding its criticisms, some women still prefer the traditional way of approach. While ladies may sometimes act paranoid, they get flattered and naturally love it when guys approach them in public.
But, as a guy, you need to know how to go about this. When approaching a lady in public, take note of the following:
1. Make sure she makes eye contact with you
Her eyes tell a story. If she is interested in you, you will see her glancing at you in some seductive way, maybe not expressly seductive. If she is interested in you, you will get that warm look and short smile.
But, don't be so quick to flirt back. Watch her a little for a repeated glimpse. The trick is, she would never want you to see her glancing at you. Once she notices you're almost getting to see her glancing at you, she would look elsewhere.
So, when you are sure she wants you, make your move. Much delay could pass the wrong information to her that you are uninterested. Don't take chances, you've got to shoot your shot!
2. Watch Her Body Language
Pay keen attention to her body language.
When you're around her, is she making some gestures like adjusting her hair and clothes and trying to look her best? Is she self-touching certain body parts like her face, neck, and hair twisting? Or perhaps fiddling with objects in her hand or near her, licking her lips, or applying makeup to make her lips appear enticing? All these are subtle gestures signifying a lady's interest in a guy.
Be discreet enough to see through her actions.
Watch out for more gestures before approaching her table though. One gesture can be a coincidence, but indeed not multiple. For me, once I see her continuously playing with her hair, that's enough of a gesture.
3. She Starts a Conversation
There are moments when you sit next to someone, and the person comments on an event in a way that suggests they want to hear your opinion too. Although that is not a very obvious sign, it is one of the most subtle green flags. If you ever find yourself in such a situation, make good use of the moment.
When a lady starts a conversation, take the conservation further and be intelligent while doing this. Avoid asking her some 'yes' or 'no' questions. Rather, let your conversations revolve around her; such as her preferences, hobbies, etc. For example, you can ask her what she's passionate about, why she thinks the way she does, etc. She would be willing to talk more about herself. This has always worked for me like magic. I don't mean to brag, but there is a way I stir ladies up to keep talking. Haha!
Conclusion
If you choose to go with either the traditional or modern approach, stay true to yourself and keep growing. Be confident when approaching the female folks and don't be desperate while at it. Be decorous.
Good luck, relax and enjoy the new connections!